i kind of wish the apocalypse would just happen already (excerpt of "All the World is Green")

"i kinda wish the apocalypse would just happen already" is an illustration of an intrusive thought. When the world shut down in 2020, I started to feel a sense of numbness settle in. News of disaster and terror started to phase me less and less- it seemed that everyday, terrible things were happening, to the point that terribleness was commonplace. Despite the world going back to a sense of “normal” since this time, the numbness about disaster has largely stayed. Each time I see a strange grouping of stars that could be aliens, or hear a doomsday story, or read about all the devastating atrocities humans have committed on the earth, part of me hopes that the world would just end. I am tired of feeling scared of the end, and sometimes, in my intrusive thoughts, even find myself wishing for it.